June 11, 2011

Listening to: I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T
Thought for the day: When we cannot bear to be alone, it means we do not properly value the only companion we will have from birth to death - ourselves. ~Eda LeShan

When I woke up this morning, I experienced extreme loneliness. It’s as if a big fat-ass being of loneliness sat on me in an attempt to suffocate me with its big ass, ugly butt, gross smelling ass cheeks. I was suffocating.

At some point in the late afternoon, I decided to get out of the house and go eat. It was too early to eat dinner, but after being squashed by fat-ass loneliness I was hungry. When I walked into the restaurant, the only other patron was a 70+ year-old man. I thought to myself, “Great, I’m one step away from eating dinner at 4 p.m., going to bed at 8 p.m., and getting up at 5 a.m.”

Something happened when I sat down to eat. I can’t explain it. My perspective changed as if someone kicked the fat-ass loneliness off of me. Negative thoughts were replaced with an overwhelming sense of freedom and blessing.

So let me say something about the ketchup in this picture. The bottle says, “Our fries are so good you don’t need to add ketchup.” BULL. I know 2 people that don’t like chocolate and one that doesn’t like ketchup (my cousin). My cousin hates ketchup so passionately that he has ketchup radar and can zero in on it 10 miles away. I know because I’ve tried to trick him in into eating it because I just can’t comprehend anyone not liking it. I’m not sure which is more unique: ketchup haters or chocolate haters. Thus, I was surprised to see this statement on the ketchup bottles. My fries were HONORED to be doused with ketchup

June 7, 2011
Listening to: Good Life
Thought for the day: If “smelling the roses” seems blasé’ to you, take a moment, enjoy life, and make some Johnson grass music.

Today I found myself standing in a field of waist-high Johnson grass (photo). I felt like someone dumped me out in an Alice in Wonderland-sized front yard. I suddenly felt small. Then I started thinking. Usually, when I’m bored and see a good patch of Johnson grass, I pick a piece, place it between my thumbs, blow, and make Johnson grass music. I wondered if the Alice in Wonderland Johnson grass was capable of making sound. I’m here to tell you it is and the sound is as pure as human-sized Johnson grass.

Day 1 – May 23
Listening to: Weird Science
Thought for the day: If God can make a bug’s butt light up, He can do anything.

Painting by: Jim Trolinger

I saw my first lightening bug tonight!!! I draw faith from the complex design of the lightening bug. I figure if a God can give light to the butt of a lowly bug, He can do just about anything. What if human’s butts lit up? Would we get plastic surgery to enhance the luminescence? People already get butt implants so what’s a little added light to the procedure? The song “Baby Got Back” might take on a whole new meaning if our butts lit up.

Photography for me is like trying to eat soup with a knife, so I didn’t attempt to capture my first lightening butt sighting. Instead, I present to you an original painting by my dad. He painted this cartoon for me after I made my lightening bug faith epiphany known.

Day 2 – May 22
Listening to: Imagine
Thought For the Day: My advice to graduates? Floss! Everyday! You won’t be sorry.

It is done! My baby girl graduated from high school today as a distinguished scholar. Just like out of a Twilight episode, her graduation was in the same building as my high school graduation. While I sat waiting for her name to be called, I tried to remember where I sat during my own graduation and couldn’t. I have no clue! Christian will remember where she sat. I think she had the best seat in the house. She sat on the stage with the other distinguished scholars. Her seat was on the front row on the corner. She was basically face to face with every student as they waited to hear their name to walk the stage to receive their diploma. I watched her talk to almost everyone that passed her and she clapped for most of them too. The joy on her face made all of the stress we’ve been through worthwhile. I won't forget it. Who cares where I sat when I graduated.

Day 3 – May 21
Listening to: 10:00 News
Thought For the Day: NOM NOM NOM.........

Sometimes I think God provides a select group of mothers with a manual about teenagers. I didn’t receive said manual and there is no book of “teen revelations” in the Bible. If said manual exists, I’m fairly certain that there is a chapter in the book about how some teenagers decide to proclaim another woman as their mother during the 15-18 year range. There's probably also assurance that it's not a mom divorce. Young girls sometimes just need a mom-like friend. I did it as a teen and Christian followed in my footsteps. For me, my adopted mom was Barbara, Abby’s mom. For Christian, it is Carol. I’m grateful for both Carol and Barbara.

Today Christian and I went to Carol’s house to join their family in celebrating Faith's (Carol’s daughter) graduation. Carol had cookie monster cupcakes. I’m wondering if I can proclaim another adopted mom at the age of 43.

Day 4 – May 20
Listening to: Pleasure Principle
Thought For the Day: I just can’t imagine a world without the soft glow of incandescent lighting (the bulbs will be banned starting next year)!

I was noticing today that some cicadanations are much louder than others. I wondered if the cicadas treated each tree like a bar or club to pick up a mate. Some bars/clubs are more popular than others. Is it the same with mac-daddy cicadas and trees?

There are very few cicadas in my yard. A merry band of mockingbirds fly to the apex of my house every night to survey my yard which is a cicada-less island in the middle of a cicada ocean. Either the merry band of mockingbirds are keeping the clumsy bugs at bay, or my lack of trees makes my property more like a church where you wouldn’t go and bleat out your mating call after a few martinis.

Each night, the merry band of mocking birds do cover songs of all the local bird tunes while sitting on the house. I’ve yet to hear them mimic a cicada's mating call.

btw: If you're no where near Nashville, you should note that the thousands of light brown peanut-looking things in this picture are Cicada skins. CRUNCH.

Day 5 – May 19
Listening to: Bust a Move
Thought for the day: Goodwill makes everything American-made.

Last week while I was in an affluent part of town, an affluent woman approached me and praised my affluent dress. Actually, she gushed more about the cuteness of my dress versus its affluence factor. She then asked me where I bought the dress. Without hesitation, I said with a bubbly non-affluent giggle, “Goodwill.” The look on her face was priceless. I LOVE GOODWILL!!!

Tonight I visited my beloved store and experienced something I’ve only experienced one time before. I saw a piece of clothing from my past. The first time it happened, I found one of the bridesmaid’s dresses from my wedding (I even know which bridesmaid it came from). Tonight, I found half of a suit I bought straight out of college to interview (dress in middle of photo white/blue). It’s missing the jacket and they’re trying to sell it as a dress. Wonder what happened to the other half? Maybe it’s hanging out with all of the bastard socks lost in the world’s dryers.

Day 6 – May 18
Listening to: Let My Love Open the Door
Thought for the day: We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink. ~ Epicurus

Wednesday Night Dinner Group: MAFIAoZA'S

Eating low-carb in a GOOD Italian restaurant is akin to threading a Tootsie Roll through the eye of a needle. It puts the “cult” in DIFFICULT! I opted for the Bolognese sauce sans pasta with some veggies tossed in the mix (photo left). It was very good. Guess what? I didn’t miss one, single, solitary, slurpy spaghetti noodle!

My friend Jo Ann ordered the meatballs (photo right). She only ate two. She put the uneaten portion in a take-away container. Balls in a box…………should I be jealous?

http://www.mafiaozas.com/

Day 7 - May 17
Listening to: Amazing
Thought for the day: ONE MORE WEEK! I'm on the home stretch to completing the 365 journal!!!! :-)

Do I really need to write about this picture? No I don’t, but you know I’m going to.

I had a 20 ton bucket of judgment weighing on my mind when I saw the back of this car………… yeah I know.......not good. Since I try to find the good in people, I want to assume that the creator of the 5/21/11 movement has attention deficit disorder and missed the “I will come like a thief” part of the Bible (found in Thessalonians, Revelations, Peter, and Corinthians). ADD happens!

Day 8 – May 16
Listening to: Every (Cicada) Wants to Rule the World (cicadas cover of Tears for Fears hit)
Thought for the day: Tomatoes must be cicada-licious!!!!

Look! A cicada-mata! The cicada-mata proves no surface is off limits when it comes to shedding the cicada skin. It’s kind of odd to see one lone shell like this one. Most trees look like a cicadanation has divided and conquered with thousands of skins covering the trunk and ground. Maybe the cicada-mata cicada knows single people live at this address and it is okay to be a single cicada.

Day 9 – May 15
Listening to: Rocket Man
Thought for the day: From bowties to a man named Brickhead, duct tape is a miracle of life.

Oddly enough, back on day 300 when I was chaperoning at band camp I wrote about the uses of duct tape as it applied to marching band. Is it duct or duck? I even included a link to a list of conventional and unorthodox uses for duct tape. I don’t think the duct-tape bowtie was among the uses. Last night a bunch of the McGavock Band guys showed up at the band banquet sporting a bouquet of neon bowties. Could this be bowtie couture? Their creativity blew me away.

I’m a bit surprised on day 300 that I failed to mention that a coworker of mine a long time ago busted his head open and used duct tape to seal his wound. He earned the name Brickhead for his bravery.

Day 10 – May 14
Listening to: You’ve Got a Friend
Thought for the day: This one time…………….at the band banquet…….

Photo: Senior McGavock High School band members being honored.

Christian’s senior year is coming to a close. Tonight, Christian, John (her father), and I attended the McGavock High School Band Banquet to celebrate the band's accomplishments. On the way home, the conversation went like this:

Me: I can’t believe your four years are over.
Christian: Me either.
Me: It’s gone by so fast.
Christian and Me simultaneously: It’s so surreal.
Christian: You must feel old.

Truth is, I’m not sure how I feel. I feel pride, joy, hopefulness, relief, freedom, sadness, fear, and a wistful longing to go back to a world where my children are toddlers. It’s a feeling buffet!!!! If I add a few more emotions in the mixture along with a dash of salt, we’d have a feeling casserole and it’d probably taste like chicken.

Day 11 – May 13
Listening to: Time
Thought for the day: HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE EVE BEVERLY!!!

I attended Bevapaloosa tonight, a party to celebrate the birthday of my dear friend Beverly. It’s not a party until someone breaks out the reading glasses……………or not. Actually, I think the saying goes “it’s not a party until someone spills a drink, loses an eye, shoots bottle rockets out of their pants, eats a cicada, or the coleslaw arrives.” Take your pick. Reading glasses are good party conversation though…………. among the elderly………. like my coworker/friend, Russ, featured in today’s photo with yours truly. Another coworker/friend Donnie, aka KOOLAID, offered me $2 to eat a cicada at the party. Reading glasses and cicada noshing..............I'm a party animal.

Day 12 – May 12
Listening to: Go Rest High
Thought for the day: We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. ~Christopher Morley

I realized today that from here on out I probably will only see both of my children simultaneously on holidays and at funerals/weddings. Just smack me in the face with empty nest syndrome and call it a day! It was the funeral of their Grandpa Howard that brought the three of us together today.

I found out that I have something in common with Howard. During the eulogy, the preacher kept saying “Harold” instead of “Howard.” If you remember, I wrote back December that forgetful peeps ALWAYS call me “Kim.” When the service was over, Wes said, “When you die, your preacher won’t mess your name up.” He failed to realize that I go to a United Methodist Church and the UMC changes preachers like underwear. I am fairly certain I will be called Kim in my eulogy. This is a good reason to name your child something like BonQuisha.

Day 13 – May 11
Listening to: Reeling in the Years
Thought for the day: The Fab Lab is eagerly awaiting her first cicada snack. It's like Cicada Eve at our house.

Wednesday Dinner Group – Hermitage Steak House

If Ruby Tuesday’s salad bar and Hermitage Steak House’s salad bar had salad bar sex and created a salad bar baby, it would be THE consummate salad bar. It’s actually rather simple. Ruby’s has the croutons and HSH has the smoked oysters. If I was reincarnated as an oyster, I’d want to be smoked and put on HSH’s salad bar. It’d be an honor. I am sure their oysters are fresh out of can chock full of linseed oil. I eat smoked oysters out of the can all of the time, but they’re just different at HSH. It’s like eating a PBJ I made vs. eating one my Mom lovingly assembled. Regardless, I wanted to scoot my chair up to the salad bar in front of the oysters and feast.

Oh yeah………. There ate some steak at this place too and it was good.

Day 14 – May 10
Listening to: Dreamweaver
Thought for the day: People living deeply have no fear of death. ~Anaiïs Nin, Diary, 1967

Photo: Wes, Christian, and Howard Brummett

Howard Brummett, my children’s grandfather passed away today. His kindness toward me never faltered. I hurt for my children. I hurt for the Brummetts. Howard turned 80-years-old in January. He said that if he’d known he was going to live so long he would have taken better care of himself. That’s the thing. Howard lived and he lived fully. He wasn’t afraid to die.

Typically, my employer provides time off for employees to attend family funerals. I asked if I could have time off to attend Howard's funeral and was told "no" because he is an “ex” family member. Howard was not “ex” to me. I still considered him family and I will be at his funeral regardless of a stupid corporate policy.

I’m so grateful my children grew up with a grandfather like Howard. They will carry him in their hearts forever.

Day 15 – May 9
Listening to: We Are Family
Thought for the day: Happy Birthday Mom!!! I Love You!

Yesterday was Mother’s day and today is my mom’s birthday. It’s a double dose of a Momelebration! I’m posting a picture of some roses in her honor. Is the fact that someone else plucked these roses for me a form of re-gifting? Regardless, my mom is a rose among roses and she is thorn-less! She put up with enough crap from me growing up that she deserves a Texas-sized bucket of roses.

These roses come from an ancestral line of almost 90 years. One of my coworkers picked them for me and probably didn’t realize the history behind them. At one time, DuPont employed someone specifically to take care of the roses. The roses use to be abundant, but after years of reorganization, annihilation, and increased security via new state-of-the art fences only a few of the bushes remain. To read more about one of the employees who was recognized for his rose care at DuPont see http://oldhickoryrecord.com/rayonjob.htm

Day 16 – May 8
Listening to: You Can Dance If You Want To
Thought for the day: In the words of the beautiful Angela Crimmons, “Happy Mom's Day to all moms, grandmas, and pawmoms!”

I guess you’d have to be living in a cave to not know today is mother’s day. I was flattened by the steam roller of sadness when I saw on Facebook how many of my friend’s mothers are no longer alive. It dawned on me that though I don’t see or talk to my mom much, I can’t imagine her not being just a phone call away.

When I was in the 6th grade, my teacher, Mr. Easterly (one of my faves), asked us to write about our parents. I wrote about my mom. In its 6th grade simplicity, it still carries a mother load of meaning today.

Mr. Easterly’s 6th Grade Writing Assignment

My Parents

I live with my mom. She has many good things about her. The best things about her are; she comforts me when I feel down, and tells me funny things to perk me up.

My mom taught me many things I am thankful for today.

Of course she also buys clothes for me and feeds me and takes me wherever I need to go, although I’m mostly thankful for her being there when I need help.

I’m thankful for many small things too.

I love my mom very much and I’m thankful for all the things she has done to make me happy.

Day 17 – May 7
Listening to: Sister Christian
Thought for the day: Time is the only thief we can't get justice against. ~Astrid Alauda

Tonight was Christian’s prom. I’m not sure what to say or think. I kind of feel like I’m having an out of body experience seeing my youngest child's childhood come to a close. Where has the time gone? Forget feeling like she was born yesterday. That "just yesterday" feeling belongs to me going to my senior prom. Feeling a tinge of the melancholy, I retrieved my prom dress out the depths of my closet tonight to see if it still fits. YES I WAS BORED. It fit, but was very tight. It looked like a big frothy piece of polyester yellow meringue pie on me. I’m glad I kept it. I will keep Christian’s dress for her future reminiscing exercises.

Day 18 – May 6
Listening to: Tchaikovsky - Piano Concerto 1 - B Flat Minor (doughnut eating music)
Thought for the day: Dieting is a Cheaterous Thang

You know how in the cartoons when two characters are stranded somewhere without food, one character always sees the other character as a giant ham or roasted chicken? If you had been stranded on a deserted island with me this week, I would have imagined you as a giant pack of chocolate doughnut gems. As I mentioned before, I’m on a short-term diet. I must say the low carb approach is the easiest approach to dieting I’ve ever attempted, but occasionally this week I have fantasized about chocolate doughnut gems…………………. nothing else……………….no tootsie rolls, no chocolate kisses, not even peanut butter……………..just chocolate doughnut gems. This particular diet has a cheat day built into it. My cheat day is tomorrow. Guess what I am eating?

Day 19– May 5
Listening to: I Don’t Care Anymore
Thought for the day: My friend Johnny Ellis mentioned my “thought for the day” in passing today. I asked him for words of wisdom to include in today’s thought. He said, “Stay out of jail.” Wise man that Johnny Ellis.

From the strange truck creepin’ on my house last night to the strange email from a friend’s ex-boyfriend that flopped like a dying fish into my inbox today to this strange site at the gas station, I was served up a heapin’ helpin’ of strange casserole today…………..sans cheese. I don’t know about you, but this site makes me think of George Jones.

I wondered if this man conserved any gas by driving his lawn mower to the gas station. How many MPG does a mower get anyway? Based on a quick trip down Google Lane I found out that a John Deere riding mower gets about the same MPG as a car. So why NOT drive the mower to the gas station? I have wondered if gas gets really expensive if people will stop mowing. I think one of my neighbors has already decided gas is too expensive to mow. His yard is becoming a safari.

Day 20– May 4
Listening to: Can’t Live
Thought for the day: Don't mind me. I have chips for brains.

Ah! Sweet mystery of life, at last I've found thee…………..
Have I told you how much I love Mexican restaurant tortilla chips? Of course I have. I love them so much I’m repeating a picture from February 23 because the Wednesday Night Dinner Club returned to La Hacienda where this picture was taken the first time. I have chips for brains tonight…………..and not from eating too many. Despite my deep, undying love for chips………..A miracle happened tonight. I DID NOT EAT ONE SINGLE CHIP. NOT ONE CRUMB. I didn’t even lick the salt off of one until it was soggy. I started a low carb diet on Sunday and have been doing so well that I couldn’t hijack my progress. DANG it was difficult. Will I last on this diet? Probably not, but I'm trying.

Day 22 – May 3
Listening to: Time in A Bottle
Thought for the day: “Oh, the humanity and all the passengers screaming around here. Ah! It's–it's–it's–it's ... o–ohhh! I–I can't talk, ladies and gentlemen.” ~Herbert Morrison reporting on the Hindenburg.

I hate it when I know I own something and can’t find it There is a picture of me with my mother that I am searching for to post on my 365 on Mother’s Day ………and ………..I………….CAN’T………….FIND…

………IT. BIG FROWNY FACE!!! I can see it in my head just as clear as day. It’s too bad we can’t make photographs of our thoughts or memories. Some day in a galaxy, far, far away this fantasy will be a reality.

In my feverish search for the photograph, I unearthed one of my college papers from my senior year at MTSU. Unlike the photo of my mom and me, I don’t remember writing this paper. It’s titled “How the Media Covered the Hindenburg Disaster.” I received 47 points out of 50…….hmmm……..must be interesting. I wouldn’t know because for some reason I can’t bring myself to read it.

The professor commented that he wished I’d forget the words “furthermore” and “however.” If he saw my writing today, he’d ask that I forget the ellipsis. I am a chronic ellipsis user/abuser if you haven’t noticed.

Day 23 – May 2
Listening to: Through the Fire
Thought for the day: “If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.” ~Jay Leno

I put clean water out for Pearl the fab Lab every day. Despite my attempts to prevent my parched pup from partaking in potty punch, she does occasionally go to the toilet for a slurp. What draws her to the toilet? She likes to eat kitty Roca, so it really shouldn’t surprise me. I sometimes wonder if dogs see toilet water as gourmet………like a large Cherry Icee or commode cocktail. Thankfully, Pearl is not a licker. I don’t have to worry about her sliming me after taking a tongue dip in the toilet. Still, it’s a bit on the level of ……………….gross.

Day 24 – May 1
Listening to: I Like It
Thought for the day: Waiting to hear Obama speak at TEN FREAKING THIRTY PM. WTH OBAMAAAAAAAAAA????

Happy May!!! I am on the home stretch to completing my 365 project. It is finally my birthday month. TWENTY FOUR MORE DAYS and the project will be complete. More about my 365 experience closer to the day, but for now I had to celebrate reaching the month of May with a picture of mini me. Here I sit on my 6th birthday with all of my birthday loot. You are looking at three bathing suits, a beach towel with two giraffes kissing, a pair of panties, a purse, a Barbie, a Barbie book, and 2 bracelets. I was a modesty monster at that young age and am a bit surprised that I allowed myself to be photographed with panties.

The next 3 weeks hold a plethora of photo potential for me. I'm looking forward to closing out this project with some very meaningful moments! Bring it on May! I have Keenex!

Day 25 - April 30
Listening to: Every Breath You Take
Thought for the day: There's nothing like playing dress up with your best friend.

At approximately 11:30 a.m. Monday morning Christian called me. She had decided she wanted to go to the prom. The deadline to buy tickets was 12:30 p.m (prom is May 7). So, I jumped in my car and drove to her school and bought her a ticket. Prom was less than 2 weeks away and she had no dress. I knew from experience this was NOT good. I knew the selection would be sad with it being so late. Last night we set out to find a dress. The only sizes left seemed to be 1 or 2. phhhhhhhht. Christian has……..well how do I say this delicately………….MASSIVE BOOBAGE!!! I blame all of the antibiotic-laced chicken I ate when I was preggos with her. Anyway, last night was an epic prom dress hunt FAIL. PANIC!!!

Today we went to a consignment shop. BINGO! The third dress she tried on not only worked but was EXACTLY what she had described to me she wanted………………… and her boobs fit!!! HAAAAAAAAAAALLELEUJAH!!! I felt like a little girl walking into the little consignment shop crammed FULL with used wedding, cocktail, and prom dresses. I wanted to try something on too, but didn’t.

Day 26 - April 29
Listening to: Let This Groove
Thought for the day: What is good for the goose is good for the Nashville Predators.

This is your typical Canadian goose. He/she is a loner and has been lurking in this one spot along my lunch-time walking route all week. Today I asked him/her if he/she was a Nashville Predator’s fan and he/she didn’t respond……….not even a hiss. No hiss? Geese always hiss. Is it possible that this Canadian goose is a Nashville Predator's fan? Maybe hanging in this one spot is his/her form of a growing a Nashville Predator playoff beard. I suspect, however, this he/she goose is a momma guarding an egg. I just pray no one decides to mow before the playoffs are over!

Day 27 - April 28
Listening to: The Governor’s Cup March
Thought for the day: The torch is passed. The tradition continues.

You are looking at a photo of the McGavock High School Wind Ensemble (featuring several alumni) performing the Governor’s Cup March, a piece composed by Dave Sartor to honor the accomplishments of Kenton J. Hull (first band director at McGavock). Dave, a former member of the band, was also the conductor. GUESS WHERE I WAS TONIGHT? :-)

When I’m really tired, my brain sends the smart cells to camp out in the baggage under my eyes. My brain then sends words to my mouth that contain inaccuracies. For instance, one time I asked a coworker what color his GOLDEN retriever was. Tonight, I told Dave I was including him in my 367 project. I’ve added two days to the year. I’m really tired.

Despite my brain malfunction, my brain failed to sabotage my enjoyment of this performance. The emotions on stage were tangible and it came across in the performance. Mr. Hull would have been proud indeed.

Day 28 - April 27
Listening to: Where You Lead
Thought for the day: It’s always good when the sun is present at sunset.

Squirrel is to dog as bad weather is to Kris. I have been so distracted today. There are two things that afflict me with severe adult attention deficit disorder: snow and tornadoes (there were 25 tornado warnings at one point today - SQUIRREL!!!!). The cherry on the ADD pie? I am a royal wedding watcher, so right now I am an eye for detail disaster.

Today was NOT the day to be distracted and leave my umbrella in the car when I got to work, but I did. Thankfully, a coworker in shining armor came to my rescue. I got to walk down the aisle to the work exit gate dry (featured photo). I felt like royalty.

Thanks Russ!

Day 29 - April 26
Listening to: Solsbury Hill
Thought for the day: If ovarian cancer is found (and treated) before the cancer has spread outside the ovary, the 5-year survival rate is 93%. GET CHECKED!

This is my official female peep PSA for my 365 project. Don't put off your annual girly exam!!! If you're as lucky as me, you will have a view like the one I had today during my exam. Yes, you are looking at men on the ceiling in my OBGYN's exam room. Do I really need to type more? I'm trying to be discreet for my gentleman readers. I've been going to the same OBGYN for the past 15 years. When I first started going, the men smiling down at me while I heard "scoot to the edge" were JKF jr. and George Clooney. Times have changed. I can only identify one of the men amongst today's ceiling fantasy men, Keith Urban. How can you not laugh at this? It calms the nerves for sure.

Day 30 - April 25
Listening to: Owner of Lonely Heart
Thought for the day: “The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.” ~Leslie Poles Hartley

I walk up and down this sidewalk close to 30 times a week. The photo is not circa 2011 as you can see from the date underneath it. It is a street that I live near as it appeared in 1925. If you live in the Village, this photo was taken looking east down 14th Street beside Rachel’s Walk. The building on the man’s right was one of the YMCAs. Houses now stand its place.

I think of this picture often when I reach the section of the sidewalk where the man appears. I wonder where he was going and why he appeared to be dressed in a suit. I wish I could rewind this sidewalk like an old-school videotape and replay the movement and watch lives moving by. If a photo was taken of me on the sidewalk this morning and viewed 76 years from now, the viewer would be pondering why the bed headed woman wearing the mismatched clothing looked so trailer-trash chic.

Day 32 - April 24
Listening to: Holiday
Thought for the day: He takes men out of time and makes them feel eternity. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

You have your frilly Easter dresses and then there is the tic-tac-toe jump suit. Thank goodness I had no clue that apparel mattered on Easter when I was four. At least I am sporting a stuffed duck as an accessory.

The older I get, the more I reminisce on holidays. Today is no different. This picture brings back memories. When I was a tic-tac-toe tyke, we spent Easter Sundays at my Great Grandmother’s farm. She had a bazillion acres and big spooky house filled with antiques. When it came time for the perfunctory Easter egg hunt, my cousins and I were relegated to the upstairs of the spooky house while the adults hid eggs. One year, we went into one of the bedrooms and clamored on top of a giant feather bed that hadn’t been slept in for years. Opposite the bed was a dead relative's photo collection on the wall. Their eyes were intense and piercing. The Alpha cousin (you know what I’m talking about if you have cousins) insisted their eyes were moving. That’s the year I decided I was done with the perfunctory Easter egg hunt at the farm. I don’t think I ever participated again.

Day 33 - April 23
Listening to: Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail
Thought for the day: The only thing missing from this wonderful 4-day weekend of mine, IS YOU!!!!

Easter Bunny! COME BACK!!!! I didn’t get to tell you what I want for Easter!!! What happens when you sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap? I have never had the privilege. Is it a Santa Claus-type deal where IT asks you what you want? I say “it” because ………… what gender is the Easter Bunny? The thought of sitting on the lap of a super-holiday, gift-bearing, genderless-hero is kind of creepy. I think growing up I always referred to the Easter Bunny as “he,” but the Easter Bunny in this pic walked like a female. The “Here Comes Peter Cotton Tale” ditty implies the Bunny is a he. I guess that’s the only clue I have to work with here.

6 year old Kris: Easter Bunny, I’d like a stuffed animal and some chocolate.

43 year old Kris: Easter Bunny, I’d like a fireplace, a boat, some chocolate, a good bottle of wine, and friends to share it all with. (ya’ll proud of me for not asking for a man with teeth?)

Day 34 - April 22
Listening to: The Metro
Thought for the day: I am forgiven.

If it snows next week, ya’ll can blame me. I freeze dried my winter clothes today, or at least that’s what it looked like. I put my winter clothes away in those nifty air sucking space bags. I think I have an addiction to the bags. I’m wondering what took so long for someone to market such a genius idea. Space bags are one of those inventions that borderline on stupidity in their simplicity, like wheels on suitcases and post-it notes. It makes me wonder what other simple ideas are out there.

Update on the bird nests that I wrote about yesterday: two momma birds have returned to their nests. The remaining nest in question has 3 eggs in it. I’m hoping.

Day 35 - April 21
Listening to: Think
Thought for the day: “If I can stop one Heart from breaking I shall not live in vain If I can ease one life the Aching Or cool one Pain Or help one fainting Robin Unto his Nest again I shall not live in Vain” ~Emily Dickinson

I spent the day slaying the beast that I call The Hedgerow from Hell. Typically, I only trim a foot off the top and I do so in June. I decided this year to take advantage of cool weather and cut the beast in half in April. As I brandished the hedge cutter, blades gleaming in the sun, I had no fear. And then it happened. I spotted a bird nest (this never happens in June). There was an egg in it. SOB!!! I cut around the nest. My woes were not over There ended up being THREE nests. I don’t know if the momma birds will come back or not, but I had to try. The thought crossed my mind that I may potentially be a baby bird killer, but then wait……………… I eat eggs all of the time. Does that make me a mass serial baby chicken killer? I think too much.

Anyway, I’m hoping a few of my neighbors will read this and understand why my hedge row has small sections that are uncut. It looks really funny.

Day 36 - April 20
Listening to: Someone Save my Life (still on Elton)
Thought for the day: My weekend starts………NOW! Long weekend-gasm alert!

The cow goes moooooooooooooooo. The pig goes oink oink. What kind of noise does the cowboy pork chop make? YEEEHAW-Oink? Anyone else fascinated with the See-n-Say as a kid (I was)?

I don’t know what was wrong with me today. I either experienced some cyclic hormonal thing or my brain thought my stomach was the size of Kansas. I was hungry ALL DURN DAY!!! As you know, tonight was Wednesday Dinner Club night. We went to Longhorn Steak House. Yeah, not a big deal, but with national debt-sized hunger a leather shoe would have been tasty. Thank goodness Longhorn doesn’t serve leather shoes. I ate the cowboy pork chops. The chops successfully shut down the hunger hound camped in my brain, so Longhorn gets no complaints from me! As you can see, it was a two-fork night!

Day 37 - April 19
Listening to: Island Girl
Thought for the day: After one year as vice pres., two years as THE pres., and two years as recording secretary......... I hereby make a motion that I can now hang up my McGavock band responsibilities hat. Can I get a second?

I call this picture “Kris Dressed Like Elton...FAIL.” I am posting it because I know it will make a particular person who had a bad day today laugh. The photo is from one of my dance recitals back in the 70s. I performed a routine to Elton’s “Island Girl.” We all thought I looked like Elton when in fact I looked more like Raggedy Kris. I wish I still had the glasses though.

Day 38 - April 18
Listening to: Love the One You’re With
Thought for the day: Love My Easter Bunny (Mom)

How it is possible any of us ever believed in the Easter Bunny with basket bonanzas on display like this one in K-Mart? At least Santa’s shenanigans are a bit more covert. All I know is I always wanted one of these commercial concocted baskets chock full of chocolate and a toy. I never received one. The Bunny in my life (aka Mom) was always generous, but I still longed to see the masses of shiny cellophane glimmering in the morning light when I ventured into the room where the Bunny left the goods. I’m grateful my Bunny never gave into my childish wishes and commercial trickery because I still have ever single stuffed rabbit, lamb, and duck ever given to me on Easter morn. I doubt I could say the same if I had been the recipient of a store-bought basket.

Day 39 - April 17
Listening to: Signed, Sealed, Delivered
Thought for the day: "I owned an El Camino pickup in the '70s. It was a real sort of Southern deal. I had AstroTurf in the back. You don't want to know why, but I did." ~Bill Clinton

I spent some time at Alive Hospice today. I shed a bucket load of tears on my way home and in the midst of the eye flood I saw this RoosterMino (El Camino). I immediately thought, “Hmmm my life could be worse. I could be driving around in a big Chicken Camino.”

Last week, I fried a bunch of chicken and thought afterward how unattractive I smelled. I thought I could write a personal ad that said, “SWF smells like fried chicken ISO SWM that doesn’t.” Then I giggled to myself because I’m stupid like that. Today I added to my ad. “SWF smells like fried chicken and drives RoosterMino.” I think I’d get a lot of response...........for the car alone. Anyway, it just goes to show God works in mysterious ways. I continued to cry, but I was reminded I had the ability to still be silly and smile for a moment.

Day 40 - April 16
Listening to: Baker Street
Thought for the day: I have a question. You probably get this a lot, but this isn't the real Caesar's Palace, is it? ~Alan in “The Hangover”

I feel a bit of pressure because one of my best friends returned to Facebook today after a lengthy Facebook sabbatical and commented on her wall that she missed my daily thoughts. Where would I be without friends?

It’s a free HBO weekend (insert me singing the Hallelujah! Chorus here)!!! All I’ve been doing today is filling my head with movies, movies, and more movies. My coffee table looks like a Diet Coke graveyard with the cans serving as headstones. To celebrate such a joyous occasion, I made stove-popped popcorn tonight with loads of butter. I could have cooked microwave popcorn, but microwave popcorn is more in the class of reality TV and/or American Idol. It’s not the best. Raise your hand if you’re a stove cooked popcorn fan!

Day 41 - April 15
Listening to: I'm Always Chasing Rainbows
Thought for the day: Lost.

My photography skills are a lot like my driving skills. I’m not a very good driver and I'm not a very good photographer. When I combined the two, the outcome wasn’t pretty. Yes, I took this photo while trying to manipulate the streets of Madison. I had to. It was too poetic. In case, you think you need reading glasses, don’t fret. It IS blurry.

You are looking at a garbage truck with the words “PRAY TODAY” on the back. My initial thought was “If I had to get up at 5 a.m. every morning and smell, see, and touch other people’s trash I’d be in constant prayer for my circumstances to change.” Then, my thoughts switched to the fact that many people, including myself, only pray when there is garbage in their lives. Why is it so difficult to pray when the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed?

Day 42 - April 14
Listening to: Early in the Morning
Thought for the day: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGH

HHHHH

At what age is it considered okay to become repetitive? You know, the age where no one says, "you already told me that." Let's pretend I'm at that age because I think I'm probably being repetitive with today's thought.

I know what my Dad’s favorite food is. It’s ice cream. He bleeds it. You can count on eating it if you visit him. He used ice cream to teach me his sharing principle; the principle that the process of sharing makes whatever you are sharing better.

While visiting him one summer, I went to get the ice cream container out of the freezer only to find it almost empty (a rare occurrence in the Trolinger household). I scooped out the remaining clouds of vanilla into my bowl without any regard for anyone else. My Dad was observing my every move. When I sat down and started to eat he said, "You know that would taste better if you'd share” I giggled and said, “yeah……..right.” What kind of ploy was this? Then, a strange thing happened. I was slammed with guilt and ended up sharing. We laughed the entire time. I remember the moment more than the ice cream which is EXACTLY why sharing makes everything better.

There never was, nor will there ever be a need to scream in our family car to get Dad to stop for ice cream.

Day 43 - April 13
Listening to: Molly Malone
Thought for the day: If you never did, you should. These things are fun and fun is good! ~Dr. Seuss

I is Kris, Kris I is…………If I was afflicted with a case of Dr. Seuss-itis, I would construct a story about Scotch Eggs and Corned Beef to describe tonight’s Wednesday Dinner Group experience. Before tonight, if you had told me I would be noshing on Scotch Eggs and Corned Beef at McNamara's Irish Pub, I would have told you I do not like either food here or there, in a house or with a mouse, in a box with a fox ………you get the idea. Alas, my creativity is a bit knackered tonight, so you can consider yourself lucky that I won't KriSeuss you!

I experienced a first tonight. We shared an order of Caledonia Scotch Eggs as an appetizer. I had no idea what they were, but just the sound of Caledonia Scotch Eggs sounded hurlistic to me. Heaven smiled down on me………..they were fried. You know my rule on fried stuff right? If it’s fried, Kris likes it.

For my main meal I ordered the corned beef bites. I typically don’t like corned beef. That wasn’t the case tonight. The corned beef bites were to die for. I am going to be hard pressed to order anything else when we return to McNamara’s next time………….. and we will return. For the record, the waiter said the fish and chips were the best item on the menu. Several of my friends concur.

Day 45 – April 11
Listening to: You Are Perfect
Thought for the day: When the lawn mower of life runs you over, act like a dandelion.

Someone warned the dandelion brigade that I was mowing Saturday. They apparently all bowed to the blade and were spared. When I walked out this morning, the newly bald dandelions were standing erect in full blown glory once again. I am convinced this is my yard’s way of giving me the finger for trying to annihilate anything living in it. Oh well. I might as well admire the dandelions’ perseverance. There are lessons to be learned here. Next time someone mows me over, I’m going to pop back up and keep living my life…………………..until someone blasts me with Kris and Feed.

Day 46 – April 10
Listening to: Wind chimes singing in the wind………..somewhere in the background The Masters
Thought for the day: “Snakes….I hate snakes.” ~Indiana Jones

If Pearl (my black Lab) had her own Fab Lab company, she would produce perfumes called Squirrel, Scent of a Bitch, and Eau Du Dead Animal. Today, she discovered and dabbed on a new scent. We’ll call it Snake or Snake Oil for dogs. Fortunately for me, this dead snake had not been departed from this world long enough to become odiously odoriferous. This baby snake was actually our second snake sighting for the day. God was smiling on me in that Pearl Girl didn’t see the first big, fat, black, nasty SNAKE slither off into a massive tangled tree vine universe. I wasn’t fast enough to get a picture of the big mutha. I was too busy sucking in 50 pints of fear-fueled air.

Day 46 – April 9
Listening to: Born to Be Wild
Thought for the day: Build a biker bar and they will come.

Get your motor runnin’………..HEAD OUT ON THE HIGHWAY………. A tsunami of motorcycles rumbled through my hood this afternoon impeding my progress to go somewhere. I had to wait at least 5 minutes for them to pass. There must have been over one hundred of them. I immediately tried to sing 100 Motorcycles on the Road to the tune of 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, but it didn’t quite work. I reckon I’ve never had so much chrome and leather pass in front of me at once. They were no doubt headed to the bar precariously perched on the side of the road across from my place of employment……………a place long-time DuPont employees refer to as “The Polecat.” Back in the day, when the Old Hickory DuPont site employed thousands of workers, The Polecat was THE place to go get an adult beverage when one got off work at 8 a.m. My one and only contact with The Polecat occurred when one of my coworkers took the bicycles from my backyard and parked them in The Polecat parking lot to make it look like my children and I were there!

The Polecat eventually closed. It has since been reopened, revived, and rejuvenated by the grace and roar of hog engines. It is now a bona-fide biker bar. Go figure.

Day 47 – April 8
Listening to: When Your Hot Your Hot (Jerry Reed)
Thought for the day: Hello 80 degrees! You’ve been missed!

Haute couture fashion often makes me say WTF. This car made me say WTF; therefore, this car must be haute couture in vehicle terms. You KNOW this car has a name. hmmm…… Wonder what it is? This was my view as I left work today to kiss the weekend hello. I love my coworkers and I’m not dissin’ anyone. It is OBVIOUS the owner of this vehicle has taken great pains to achieve some level of automobile nirvana. I just don’t get it. It actually made me giggle a little. I have a lot of car-diculous friends, so maybe someone can explain to me the why a car needs wheels that require the driver to wear a parachute to exit the vehicle.

Day 48 – April 7
Listening to: Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough
Thought for the day: Woop Woop!

I am wine illiterate and a bona-fide wine retard. I consider it a form of irresponsibility in that I haven’t taken time to educate myself. Nevertheless, I like wine. I confess that I typically buy wine by the label and/or unusual name.

How could I resist a bottle of wine named Woop Woop………and a Shiraz at that (I like the Shirazzes forshirazzizzle). Woop Woop costs $12.99. Approximately $3.49 of the $12.99 is payback for me getting a laugh off of the name.

In my mind, wine is like art. It is subjective. If you put a $300 price tag on it and label it as “excellent,” people will flock to it boasting of bouquets and clarity……………..or will they? I’m starting a “my kids have left the nest” list……right here………right now. Let it be known that the first item on the list is to educate myself on wine.

Okay, I’ll see ya’ll later. I’m going to go have me a little Woop Woop.

Day 49 – April 6
Listening to: Cherry Cherry
Thought for the day: The only sure thing about luck is that it will change. ~Wilson Mizner

Meet Maneki Neko, the lucky cat. With my Wednesday Night Dinner Club on hiatus for two weeks, I felt kind of lost tonight. I decided I was going to eat out anyway………or takeout in my case. When I went to pick up my food, lucky cat was beckoning to me. Beckoning you say? Yes, beckoning. Lucky cat beckons, he does not wave. There is a cultural difference in American body gestures vs. oriental gestures.

A lucky cat with his left paw raised is supposed to attract customers. No. 1 Chinese really doesn’t need a beckoning cat to draw me in as long as they have an ample supply of crab rangoons. A waving crab rangoon would work just as well! The color of a lucky cat also carries significance. A gold lucky cat is supposed to bring great wealth. A red lucky cat begets love and marriage. Don’t be surprised if you walk in my house and see a red plastic feline beckoning to you.

http://www.best-cat-art.com/Japanese-lucky-cat.html

Day 49 – April 5
Listening to: When Dove’s Cry
Thought for the day: Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them? ~Rose F. Kennedy

Driving home last night after the storms was hectic. I couldn't take my normal path home because drunken utility polls were swaying on the side of the road. They'd consumed too many windtinis I suspect. Trees were down everywhere. My thought immediately went to the Ospreys that call the DuPont property home. There are two pairs whose nests sit exposed to the elements. The nests are massive yet fragile. I've written about the birds before in the 365. I call them Barney, Betty, Fred, and Wilma. Their nests have been swept away in the past, so I was filled with anxiety as I began my walk today. What would I find? Thankfully, both nests and all four birds appeared unharmed. Barney was busy reinforcing his nest.